This term we have been looking at ways to make our writing more interesting for the reader.
We have used the following criteria to guide us:
Changing the word order of a sentence
Using literary devices such as metaphor, simile, alliteration, onomatopoeia and personification
Using specific verbs and adjectives
Using show, don’t tell techniques
Using different sentence beginnings and lengths
Here are some examples of my writing this term.
EMOTIONS CHART
I slammed the door, hinges in all falling off. My cheeks were burning hot red and feet thumped on the floor like a herd of elephants. I could hear my brother crying in the hallway, his wet soggy tears forming a puddle, his screams kicking the drums in my ears. But that is what he deserved, after what he had done.
My heart was pumping so hard, beating out of my chest and breath was coming in gaps, but my feelings were out of control. I could see the green and I could see them, them laughing, I could never have that. I could never have what she has, I’m so jealous with envy.
My face was covered in redness and I looked like a ripe cherry. My eyes glimmered and my heart felt light with colour and respect, I was so proud of my effort. Face’s smiled at me as I gather my medal, I had won first place.
MUSIC WRITING
THE NUTCRACKER TALE
“ Cursed, he scurried off into the forest, never to been seen by eyes again. “ Oh i’m so sorry, just narrating another story, anyway welcome and i’m the Narrator! I narrate stories all around the world, just like the one i’m about to tell you, so sit tight and listen! Oh I must warn you I like humor and action so you have no idea what might happen next!
Carie and Max entered the stage arena surface and willingly began to dance. Their toes tapped the ground and the light dimmed. They were ready.
But in the dark forest animals were never allowed to dance since the crocodile of rudeness arrived. Croc bought big bags of sadness and carried anger, he was the ultimate death trap. Moonlight was the only thing that danced here on the lake, because Croc could not contain the beast, though it was so fun to watch him try!
Exhausted, the ballet was at the point of destruction. The fat Rat King, Arnold, had captured Princess Curren, ( Carie ), and forced her to dance. Now that might sound strange but in this land, dancing means power and magic. Creatively the nutcracker leaped into action. Swinging his sword, as his warriors descended upon the castle, cutting of King Arnold’s. Power off at the point.
Croc was sitting on a log peacefully cleaning his scales when Jamie, the Frog Prince, came along throwing squashed flies at his hideous face; making an indian dot on his speckled fore head. “ How dare you “! He screamed, getting to his fat feet. Jamie jumped on the lilypad and leapt over and over again, making
it look like a professional diving into the water. Croc swam after Jamie.; the moonlight waves perse?? the calmness as the chase began.
Curren rushed to the nutcrackers arms as the final dance began! ( It’s the final countdown, the final countdown )! Sorry just singing. And that is what happens, the music starts and the dance rages on. You feel it in your bones, their love for each, their hands holding, their legs patting against the ground. Their love gets larger and stronger and he transformed, he transformed into a handsome Prince!
Jamie jumped of the log and Croc almost got him, but it was too late, Jamie had fallen in love with, with Princess Lana, Croc’s prisoner. “ How did you escape, I tricked you, you aren’t supposed to be here “! Croc was absolutely exhausted, he might be able to yell, but no one ever told him he could be so annoyed at an acrobat frog!
They danced happily, as they twirled around the hall, Curren heard cheering and the nutcracker prince hears laughter, he would forever be content! King ratface was dead and Curren was able to go home was at an end, so this is how these stories are brought together.
Crying Croc sucked his claw as the tears trickled down his face, “ Oh I do hate how nothing goes’ my way, why can’t I just have some love, I need love! Ahhhhhh “! Croc sobbed making the lake a bit more blue! “ No there, you’ll be fine we’re just going to go, but we’ll be - “ Jamie got cut off, “ No way all I had was princess Lana now she’s gone, gone “! “ Oh Croc I would never leave you, and if you want and Jamie would let you, you could follow, as in come “! Lana thought out of everything she could never be happy with Croc, but now she see’s him like a brother.
As the weeks passed Lana was ready to leave with Prince Jaime and Croc was ready to make new friends. After Lana had packed, she promised she would help Croc make new companions, it seemed hard but she was ready for this task. Miss Hildy was there first opponent and she, sadly, wasn't a very good player. As soon as miss Hildy saw Croc, she opened the window, of her house, and through a book out, hitting Lana straight. Without saying sorry, she slammed the windows and shut the blinds, heading to the kitchen.
“ I hope the dance was good, I should really make an -, wait, I know the perfect way to spazz the nutcracker tale up, an animal version of the nutcracker “! Max thought his life as a ballet nutcracker was over and he could just lay down and disappear into his dream very own animal nutcracker world! “ You are utterly bonkers, why would the ballet do that? I mean it is a cool idea,but they wouldn’t just change the show in the meantime you make a story or a narrative, doesn’t matter “!
Professor Arnold was another opponent and again he was not helpful. He just ignored the whole the conversation and decided to leave his house for a stroll. “ Um okay, nice talk, should I come back later I mean I need to talk to you ”? And with Croc received his answer, a glass cup to the head. Later, after their accident Croc ran of to the forbidden river and found his crocodile to be. Her name was Ersa Goggington, and she was a Croc meant to be!
Years of ballet went by and as Max got older he became a world famous author, he wrote many stories but his best was THE FROG AND THE CROCODILE, THE LONELY NUTCRACKER. Fans loved his it look like a professional diving into the water. Croc swam after Jamie.; the moonlight waves perse?? the calmness as the chase began.
Curren rushed to the nutcrackers arms as the final dance began! ( It’s the final countdown, the final countdown )! Sorry just singing. And that is what happens, the music starts and the dance rages on. You feel it in your bones, their love for each, their hands holding, their legs patting against the ground. Their love gets larger and stronger and he transformed, he transformed into a handsome Prince!
Jamie jumped of the log and Croc almost got him, but it was too late, Jamie had fallen in love with, with Princess Lana, Croc’s prisoner. “ How did you escape, I tricked you, you aren’t supposed to be here “! Croc was absolutely exhausted, he might be able to yell, but no one ever told him he could be so annoyed at an acrobat frog!
They danced happily, as they twirled around the hall, Curren heard cheering and the nutcracker prince hears laughter, he would forever be content! King ratface was dead and Curren was able to go home was at an end, so this is how these stories are brought together.
Crying Croc sucked his claw as the tears trickled down his face, “ Oh I do hate how nothing goes’ my way, why can’t I just have some love, I need love! Ahhhhhh “! Croc sobbed making the lake a bit more blue! “ No there, you’ll be fine we’re just going to go, but we’ll be - “ Jamie got cut off, “ No way all I had was princess Lana now she’s gone, gone “! “ Oh Croc I would never leave you, and if you want and Jamie would let you, you could follow, as in come “! Lana thought out of everything she could never be happy with Croc, but now she see’s him like a brother.
As the weeks passed Lana was ready to leave with Prince Jaime and Croc was ready to make new friends. After Lana had packed, she promised she would help Croc make new companions, it seemed hard but she was ready for this task. Miss Hildy was there first opponent and she, sadly, wasn't a very good player. As soon as miss Hildy saw Croc, she opened the window, of her house, and through a book out, hitting Lana straight. Without saying sorry, she slammed the windows and shut the blinds, heading to the kitchen.
“ I hope the dance was good, I should really make an -, wait, I know the perfect way to spazz the nutcracker tale up, an animal version of the nutcracker “! Max thought his life as a ballet nutcracker was over and he could just lay down and disappear into his dream very own animal nutcracker world! “ You are utterly bonkers, why would the ballet do that? I mean it is a cool idea,but they wouldn’t just change the show in the meantime you make a story or a narrative, doesn’t matter “!
Professor Arnold was another opponent and again he was not helpful. He juut ignored the whole the conversation and decided to leave his house for a stroll. “ Um okay, nice talk, should I come back later I mean I need to talk to you ”? And with Croc received his answer, a glass cup to the head. Later, after their accident Croc ran of to the forbidden river and found his crocodile to be. Her name was Ersa Goggington, and she was a Croc meant to be!
Years of ballet went by and as Max got older he became a world famous author, he wrote many stories but his best was THE FROG AND THE CROCODILE, THE LONELY NUTCRACKER. Fans loved his
it look like a professional diving into the water. Croc swam after Jamie.; the moonlight waves perse?? the calmness as the chase began.
Curren rushed to the nutcrackers arms as the final dance began! ( It’s the final countdown, the final countdown )! Sorry just singing. And that is what happens, the music starts and the dance rages on. You feel it in your bones, their love for each, their hands holding, their legs patting against the ground. Their love gets larger and stronger and he transformed, he transformed into a handsome Prince!
Jamie jumped of the log and Croc almost got him, but it was too late, Jamie had fallen in love with, with Princess Lana, Croc’s prisoner. “ How did you escape, I tricked you, you aren’t supposed to be here “! Croc was absolutely exhausted, he might be able to yell, but no one ever told him he could be so annoyed at an acrobat frog!
They danced happily, as they twirled around the hall, Curren heard cheering and the nutcracker prince hears laughter, he would forever be content! King ratface was dead and Curren was able to go home was at an end, so this is how these stories are brought together.
Crying Croc sucked his claw as the tears trickled down his face, “ Oh I do hate how nothing goes’ my way, why can’t I just have some love, I need love! Ahhhhhh “! Croc sobbed making the lake a bit more blue! “ No there, you’ll be fine we’re just going to go, but we’ll be - “ Jamie got cut off, “ No way all I had was princess Lana now she’s gone, gone “! “ Oh Croc I would never leave you, and if you want and Jamie would let you, you could follow, as in come “! Lana thought out of everything she could never be happy with Croc, but now she see’s him like a brother.
As the weeks passed Lana was ready to leave with Prince Jaime and Croc was ready to make new friends. After Lana had packed, she promised she would help Croc make new companions, it seemed hard but she was ready for this task. Miss Hildy was there first opponent and she, sadly, wasn't a very good player. As soon as miss Hildy saw Croc, she opened the window, of her house, and through a book out, hitting Lana straight. Without saying sorry, she slammed the windows and shut the blinds, heading to the kitchen.
“ I hope the dance was good, I should really make an -, wait, I know the perfect way to spazz the nutcracker tale up, an animal version of the nutcracker “! Max thought his life as a ballet nutcracker was over and he could just lay down and disappear into his dream very own animal nutcracker world! “ You are utterly bonkers, why would the ballet do that? I mean it is a cool idea,but they wouldn’t just change the show in the meantime you make a story or a narrative, doesn’t matter “!
Professor Arnold was another opponent and again he was not helpful. He juut ignored the whole the conversation and decided to leave his house for a stroll. “ Um okay, nice talk, should I come back later I mean I need to talk to you ”? And with Croc received his answer, a glass cup to the head. Later, after their accident Croc ran of to the forbidden river and found his crocodile to be. Her name was Ersa Goggington, and she was a Croc meant to be!
Years of ballet went by and as Max got older he became a world famous author, he wrote many stories but his best was THE FROG AND THE CROCODILE, THE LONELY NUTCRACKER. Fans loved his
deas and tales, but he dreamt of it all. Crocs glistening green scales and the water washed lake, all frozen together, his lie was his dream!
Weddings and freedom was all that happened later on! Jamie and Lana got married and went of to live in their own gold castle, in Frogvally and Croc properly took over ruling Elkington Forest town, plus Croc married newly crowned princess Ersa. And everyone lived happily ever after!
THE BOY
Slowly I walked, walked up and down paths, walked over and under bridges, but the walking never seemed to end.
I put my head down, I was feeling heavy and solo. Creating a whirl of thoughts my body began to shake. I could feel ground move . . . “ Ouch! “ I whispered not wanting attention, even though I knew I would get that and a lot more. “ Oh look who I found, a whimpering weasel, crawling on the ground, like a slug! HA HA HA! “ Harry giggled, like a warlock grabbing its prey and dragging it away. I felt terrible, I wanted to leave, I never wanted to exist! “ A, hi Harry. ho- how are you? “I stuttered, like real weirdo would. “ Great thanks, imagine what the guy’s would think of this! HA HA HA! You’re like a shy little girl, that crawls around in the dirt all day! “ squealed Harry, giggling away at his hatred towards me.
Harry and his friends would always do this, kick me to the ground and slap a heavy coat of hatred on me. They were devils on the earth that no one seemed to notice, so I was alone. Alone with a bruise, alone with tears and alone with no love, I would never feel the same again. Slowly I walked, I walked up and down paths, I walked over and under bridges, but the walking never seemed to end, I was utterly abandoned all over again.
VIKING GIRL
“ Ahhrrgg! Can’t I just go!? “ I screamed slamming the door, nearly knocking it off the hinges. Screaming in a violent way, I could feel a fire starting deep down inside me. Breathing deeply, anger swept through me almost making an earthquake, Knocking everything over that was in my way, I shout “ I want to go I MUST go! “ Breaking mum’s glass mug and shaking the dining table chairs, I storm away. My face was now bright red and fists were clenched, shaking, I ran into my purple bedroom and shut the door tightly, running, I jumped under the blankets! I feel so mad! And I guess the house looks like a mess, but I really want, I want be the best viking at the party! I feel anger taking over me, rushing round, dragging me away!
By Caitlin
